so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
