What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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