I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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