someone get that fucking seahorse.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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