Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize