if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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