Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
