Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize