so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
