Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
