What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
