Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Two words: blizzard sex
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
