you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
