At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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