If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
