Say something about gay babies.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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