she was so not down for the gang bang
so explain again why im purple
no
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
