never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
