Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
