She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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