Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
