A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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