No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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