so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
