arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
