I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
