my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
