I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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