yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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