Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
