i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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