There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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