I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
