I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
