dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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