I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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