oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I want a musical about memes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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