watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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