is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
