Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
