you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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