Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
