We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
