I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
