just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
