It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
