So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
