My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
