Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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