i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
