just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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