party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
