The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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