Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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