I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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