Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
