there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
