Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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