I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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