I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
