I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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