I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
