I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
