So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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